A lot of men my age seem uninterested in a committed relationship, seeming to prefer a more casual “low investment, low return” approach to relationships. As a guy who was single for 35 years, I completely agree and think that – all things remaining equal – having a good relationship is a far superior state of being than being alone.(This does not mean that I look down on single people or think you should be in an unsatisfying relationship so, please, spare me the complaints.)But what gets me the most excited, Elaine, is that you’ve forced me to consider something that I’ve never actually considered before: Why Don’t Men Hate Being Single As Much as Women Do?
Do men actually ENJOY the endless tedium and stress of going on a string of disappointing dates? My assistant says it’s because when they’re single, they can play video games and watch porn, and if they got a girlfriend, she’d insist they give up one or both. So, together, let’s consider why men are generally cooler with being single than women:1. As I observed in “Why He Disappeared”, this tends to be the way that men deal with most of their relationships.
A few thoughts off the top of my head:• Over twice as many women take anti-depressants, compared to men.
Why aren’t they just as keen as we are to know “where things are going” early on in the relationship? I particularly love your list of what sucks about being single.As I look at that list, it occurs to me that most of my clients who are perfectly content being single are satisfied with their female friendships. This is unfortunate and short-sighted because nobody dies thinking that he wishes he had a 72” Sony instead of a 64” Vizio. Women, who are, in general, more emotional and intuitive, are more likely to define their lives by their relationships.My mom, for example: she volunteers at the hospital, she tap dances in the musical at her clubhouse, she plays canasta with the girls twice a week, she does Sudoku in her garden, she’s on the party-planning committee… So when they lack a partner, they’ll be disproportionately sadder than men, who just bury themselves in more work and (sometimes) play.Their needs are met by their male friendships and their careers and the last thing they want to do is hold your purse when shopping at Nordstrom. Men don’t need or want women in the same way women need or want men. You can tell who these men are because when they’re not with you, you don’t exist.